I am dreaming of a green Christmas,
environment friendly and clean.
No waste and no harmful ingredients,
so even my Santa is green.
I cut out the tinsel and glitter,
all made in a sweatshop I’m sure,
and as for the wreath of fake holly
that is the first thing kicked out of the door.
The fir tree is next on the hit list,
it is not ecologically sound,
it is dead and is shedding its needles
so I’ve stuck it straight back in the ground.
I won’t burn a yule log or candles,
they add to the greenhouse effect,
I won’t buy those spray-cans of snow flakes
–just think of the ozone they wrecked!
Cigars are a social disaster,
not to mention the blow to the heart,
and alcohol is much too addictive,
so Sherry is out for a start.
The Brussel sprouts will have to be cancelled,
insecticide lurks on each leaf,
creamed potatoes are too calorific
powdered gravy beyond all belief.
The pudding’s so rich I’ll reject it,
mince pies share a similar fate,
the trifle is a foolish indulgence,
indigestion served up on a plate.
Which leaves me with bags of Bran Muesli,
completely organic, of course,
or maybe a small festive walnut
from an ethically reliable source.
I will sit with a glass of cold water,
just munching a slice of dry bread.
I’ll sadly sing “Oh, Come all Ye Faithful”
then nip round to Montrose Court’s Dining Room instead!
environment friendly and clean.
No waste and no harmful ingredients,
so even my Santa is green.
I cut out the tinsel and glitter,
all made in a sweatshop I’m sure,
and as for the wreath of fake holly
that is the first thing kicked out of the door.
The fir tree is next on the hit list,
it is not ecologically sound,
it is dead and is shedding its needles
so I’ve stuck it straight back in the ground.
I won’t burn a yule log or candles,
they add to the greenhouse effect,
I won’t buy those spray-cans of snow flakes
–just think of the ozone they wrecked!
Cigars are a social disaster,
not to mention the blow to the heart,
and alcohol is much too addictive,
so Sherry is out for a start.
The Brussel sprouts will have to be cancelled,
insecticide lurks on each leaf,
creamed potatoes are too calorific
powdered gravy beyond all belief.
The pudding’s so rich I’ll reject it,
mince pies share a similar fate,
the trifle is a foolish indulgence,
indigestion served up on a plate.
Which leaves me with bags of Bran Muesli,
completely organic, of course,
or maybe a small festive walnut
from an ethically reliable source.
I will sit with a glass of cold water,
just munching a slice of dry bread.
I’ll sadly sing “Oh, Come all Ye Faithful”
then nip round to Montrose Court’s Dining Room instead!
